"If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it..."

I always find it interesting & also very creepy when I've been shopping for a pair of shoes or something online & then that same pair of shoes shows up in my Facebook feed just taunting me.  Like... remember me... the pair you wanted to put in your cart? 

 

To my knowledge I don't have Facebook linked to anything else.

My Instagram posts are usually totally different content & don't feed into Facebook.   

I don't sign in with Google or do any kind of crossover sign-ins like that.

I have the option of feeding my blog content through Facebook, but it doesn't automatically happen.

 

Aside from that... I don't understand how "Big Brother" watches my shopping habits or reading content.  But it does seem that if I click on a link to read it on Facebook.... they just assume I must REALLY be interested in that topic & then it shows up tenfold. 

 

So perhaps the fact that I mentioned my divorce in my last blog post, Facebook thinks I'm interested in all topics concerning divorce now.  Which literally just made me laugh out loud. 

Let's get one thing straight, Facebook, I'm not.  Assuming you're listening, that is, & apparently you are.

 

However, since Facebook thinks divorce is of major concern to me... this particular link showed up in my feed & I'd love some opinions from people who are or have been divorced because I have to admit, it did get me thinking...

 

By Liza Caldwell, Cofounder, SAS for Women.
 

As Beyonce Says, “Ring Off!”
 

Although the legal dust has settled and you are officially “divorced,” you probably realize that your process is not quite complete. Things are still messy and unclear; that’s because you’ve not yet arrived at your final destination, your stabilized AFTERWARD. You are recovering from this life altering event, reassessing and rebuilding yourself as an independent person, and you realize you actually have limited resources. You have limited time, strength, mental space, and even material things. Often, this is the time you are looking for ways to free up your life even more, to rid yourself of unneeded baggage, to streamline. And so inevitably there comes this question. The one we ask you now: why are you holding on to all that stuff anyway?

 

Why are you holding onto all that stuff anyway?

Yes, there’s the emotional toil, the grief, the anger, the loss that must be contended with… but what about the symbols? Certainly ask yourself this question about your engagement ring or other things your ex may have given you. Why are you holding onto them? Pause for a moment before you answer. I encourage you to write down your answers so you can consider them. I know, because I myself had some very good answers that genuinely (well, sort of) held water:

• Maybe my daughters would like the ring (but really, why would I send out that karmic message?)

• It was kinda pretty (it wasn’t what I would have chosen, to be frank)

• It was my “You Never Know” (I hadn’t hit that point yet where I’d have to hock my jewelry. Until I did.)

I have heard better reasons: “It was his grandmother’s, and she would want me to have it,” or “It was custom made, I love it.” Admittedly, that last one is rare.

 

 

It’s okay. Throughout history, jewelry has done this for us, for women. We’ve been given it, we’ve adored it, we’ve cherished it, it’s helped us cross borders. It’s a currency when we can’t access cash. It has literally saved our lives, liberated us, as we sewed it into our hems, kept it next to our hearts, swallowed it with hope.

If you don’t keep it, what could it do for you instead?

• Wipe clean a credit card debt?

• Be on a gondola float in Venice?

• Buy a flight to see your oldest girlfriend?

Are you not sure?

Why not find out the real value of the stuff under the bed? By all means, hang onto it if you like, but do make that decision from an informed place, not one of mythology. Know the real value and cost of hanging onto something. With your jewelry, you can do it with Worthy, or with any GIA or IGI-certified jeweler for that matter. (But make sure s/he is certified.) I myself like the easy method of sending things off to the universe, to have them valued, a la Wor-thee, then I can decide what to do with it, and perhaps it circles back to me in the form of a check!

 

 

Here’s something I learned the hard way

While I am here, allow me to share the biggest thing I learned (— I did in fact sell my engagement ring and other trinkets for a worthy cause, the final semester of education of my daughter.) Here’s the deal. The truth is we tend to romanticize the value of these trinkets. We expect we’re going to get as much out of them as they cost in the first place. You won’t, I am sorry to say. The price you pay originally includes the design time and artistry that went into the piece. When you go to sell, they really only look at the value of the stones and metal themselves. The point is, you are probably not going to get what you think you are going to get for it. I just want you to mentally prepare yourself.

 

SEND

So if you find it difficult to give up, ask yourself what’s really going on.

Finding it hard to part with it? Think about it for a moment and you may realize it’s not just about the ring.

It’s about the loss. You are here in this place, reading this post for a reason. Forgive yourself. Love yourself! What we find working with women who struggle through this stuff is that you are probably hanging onto certain things, vestiges of another time, because you are in mourning.  You are mourning the real loss of another lifetime or story you told yourself. Who you used to be. You have likely deferred dealing with these kinds of issues for good reasons, but now you are starting to lighten. You are starting to declutter, you want to live cleanly. You are choosing and purging. You are deciding how you will live going forth.

You are starting to believe there is real possibility for your life, you are operating now out of this place of inspired thinking. You realize carrying around hardware from an old chapter sounds heavy, when really it could be letting you move and groove and fly.

Get scrappy. Go creative. Not just with jewelry, but with papers, files, events, recyclables, and the questionable people in your life; start choosing only what is worth keeping. I have never heard a woman say she regretted offloading the things that were weighing her down.

 

||source||

 

So I guess that's my question.  If you're divorced, have you sold your ring(s)?  And why or why not? 

I don't need the money to pay bills.  But doing something to make me happy like taking a trip is probably what made me think otherwise.  Or maybe even doing something to my house, like building another dressing room closet since well... that did make me pretty happy at one time. 

A girl does need a place to put all those online shoe purchases, Mr Facebook stalker. 

 

And what would I ever do with the ring it if I kept it?  It's gorgeous & I still love it, and yes there's sentimental value, but I obviously can't wear it anymore & haven't worn it in over 3 years... so what purpose does it serve now?

Hit me with your opinions on this. 

And side-note... no, I'm not actually contemplating sending my ring "off to the universe" to get valued... I'd use my own jeweler thankyouverymuch.

 

I mean... I'm an idiot sometimes, but not quite to THAT level. 

Comments

[Stephanie Garlichs]

I kept my ring....It reminds me that at one time there was a love and from that love a beautiful daughter. I did have it remounted and I wear it at times. I have jewelry from my mother and I cherish it, but I want a piece of her to live on in my beautiful granddaughters. Five, yes five beautiful granddaughters, so between my jewelry and hers, I will design a ring or necklace so each one has something they can cherish. Love you girl!

[Julie Tucker-Wolek]

I got rid of mine before the ink was dry on the papers! LOL!! My circumstances were different though (as they all are! LOL!) -- there was ugliness beyond ugliness with mine, so I was perfectly fine with getting rid of it - plus, we only had Adam between us - and it's not the same to give it to a son from a broken marriage. There is only one thing I kept from our marriage and that was the wedding video, as all of Adam's family attended, including his great-grandmother that passed away when he was an infant, so for that reason I kept it as I wanted him to have that family connection if he wanted to later on in life. And I know what you mean about the ads - they are INSANE -- I will buy something (actually buy it!) online, and the next 15 ads I see are the same thing I already bought! HA!!! Ummmmm ... dear Facebook, I don't need two, I'm good! LOL! :)